Duo, Nice Ass
by Phr Lt Nkkd
Summary: Sometimes it's best to keep away from Duo's ass...er, business. [1x2][3x4]


Duo, Nice Ass

By: Cheez Pizza Punkz

The shower is the best time to think, have you ever noticed that? There's nothing there to disturbed you. It's all a steady droning of rushing water pounding your face and body. Tense muscles relax involuntarily; your mind goes blank; filled with the sound of the water hitting you, you feel so much calmer, so in control. The feeling is invigorating. I'm usually so out of control, out of my mind, that I forget what it's like to hold all the cards.

Out of my mind. Heh, that's a good one. The only person who's out of his mind is that bastard (and I use that term lightly), Yuy. What kind of idiot would create him? He's dangerous to be even friends with. He's a mine: placid whilst left alone, buried just beneath the surface of the ground, but the moment he's trodden upon, his explosiveness is uprooted, sending whoever stepped on him flying into a gazillion and one pieces. What's even worse is that he doesn't care who it was that stepped on him! He'll send them all flying! Especially me. I guess I got one of those spots for annoying people 'til they come at me. Heero fuckin' Yuy ain't no exception.

But burning my braid is no justified action!

I didn't annoy him that bad, did I?

Okay, maybe putting that gun to his head was a bit extreme, but I wasn't going to pull the trigger, I swear! It's not like Heero couldn't have dodged it, anyway. I mean if you had four of who you thought were friends, pulling continuous comments about your ass, wouldn't you put a gun to the nearest person's head? They made an actual conversation about it! Trowa's too much of an influence on Quatre. That poor, innocent boy. Okay, maybe not so innocent since Trowa got a hold of him, but still!

But back to my ass.

Shit! I mean—aw hell. Either way I'm fucked.

I wore my ripped jeans today. They were only supposed to be ripped at the knees, bottoms and one of the upper thighs. Instead, I get all that and a pocket is ripped! Go figure I don't notice until Wufei comes into the room while I'm bent over with my head in a cabinet, looking for a DVD.

"Nice ass, Duo." He stated, calmer than the eye of a storm. I jerked up, hit my head on the top of the wood cabinet and whirled around, glaring at my Chinese friend. He just shrugged and continued to the couch with his herbal tea in hand. I bent back over, thinking he was talking about my _clothed _bum. Then, Quatre and Trowa walk in, hand in hand.

"Duo, save the show for the bedroom," Trowa said quietly. Again I hit my head on the wood and turn around to find the Arabian blushing and giggling madly into Trowa's shoulder, while the clown frowned. Heh that rhymed. Anyway…

Still thinking that they were talking about my clothed ass, I blast a glare in their direction and go back to searching for my DVD. **Then **Heero walks in, laptop in one hand.

"What's with the crescent moon, Duo?"

"Aargh!" I roared in exasperation, pulling out of the movie cabinet without hitting my head and turned to face them, my braid swinging behind me. "What is it with you guys and my ass?!"

"When it's in plain sight, it's rude not to comment about it." Quatre informed me quietly from his place on Trowa's lap. I had to admit, they did look cute together.

"So my ass was in the air!" I declared, throwing my hands up. "That doesn't give you the right to throw comments about it!"

"He does have a nice ass, though." I heard Wufei say. When I looked at him, his black eyes were closed as he sipped at his tea.

"And if Trieze or Zechs heard that comment you'd probably be on the bad end of a whipping," Trowa said, watching the faint blush trace Wu-man's cheeks. "I will admit, Duo does have a fairly decent ass. But it's much more rounder than Quatre's."

"Trowa!"

"What?"

Quatre mumbled something.

"What do you think, Heero?" the blonde suddenly asked, turning around in Trowa's embrace to look at the Perfect Soldier. Heero shrugged nonchalantly. I hate that word. 'Nonchalant.' Makes me think of a really bad Thai restaurant.

"Honest opinion: it's one of the best asses I've ever seen—and I haven't seen that many."

They were ignoring me! Blatantly ignoring me! I just stood there openly gaping at the four of them while they continued talking about my ass like it was some kind of show trophy.

"It's really smooth."

"How does he keep it looking so white?"

"Did you catch a look at his birthmark?"

"I'd give anything to have an ass like that."

"Heero, no one's seen your ass so don't say anything until we know how bad your ass actually looks."

"I wonder when there's going to be a full moon."

"Heero, you wonder too much."

"Can I help it?"

"Probably not."

"You know, not even Zech's ass compares to what I've seen there."

"You haven't even seen everything."

"Do I have to? That peek was good enough."

"He is right, you know."

I felt a blush rise to my face. As they continued. It was only my ass! And it wasn't even showing! …was it? So, just to make sure, I twist around and look down…and bam! My own ass if staring back at me from the ripped left pocket.

"Betcha you'd wanna bang him now, wouldn't you, Heero?" I looked up sharply. Heero was shrugged, the bare traces of a smirk hidden on his features. That did it. He wanted to bang me, and he doesn't even tell me! What's a guy got to do to get fucked around here? Prance around with a boner?

I pulled Heero's gun off of the white mantle and pointed it at his head. I was ready to bash it upside his head, drag him upstairs and take advantage of him while he was out.

Maybe I threatened him a bit too much, but either way, he bolted off the couch and grabbed my arm, twisting it around behind my back. I'll tell ya: that hurt like a bitch. I dropped the gun as he dragged me into the dining room. He turned me around and pushed me flush against the table; grabbing Trowa's lighter that was sitting on the coffee table.

All I heard was the snick of the flame as it went up, then the smell of burning hair: sulfur and burning wax.

"Aieee!! Heero Yuy! What in Fuck's name to you think you're doing?!" I twisted out of his grasp and grabbed my braid, smothering the lit flame and holding my hair protectively against my chest. His cold blue eyes were masked by a look of indifference.

"Burning your braid."

"I see that, but why?!"

"Because you held a gun to my head."

Sometimes, this guy pissed the shit off out of me. Erm…I don't thing that made much sense. Anyway. I pulled my precious braid around to look at it. The ends were charred and forming little burnt buds at the end. It was at least an inch or two shorter than it should have been. My braid. My braid, for Christ's sake! One of my most treasured possessions! And he burnt it!

That was too low of a blow. I felt a lump form somewhere in my throat and I choked it back down. Cocking my arm back, I swung at Heero's face and connected solidly with his jaw. He stumbled back a few steps and—nursing both my knuckles and my braid—I ran out of the dining room and up the stairs to the sanctity of my room. I stalked straight to the bathroom and turned on the cold-water tap of the sink. I stuck the end under the running water and began peeling the little burn buds off of the ends.

Why did he do that?! He knows I wouldn't kill him. Besides, the fucking safety was on the damn thing. I mean, it's not like I haven't pointed a gun at him before (now I wish I had shot Relena when I had the chance, though.), and I've had my hair burnt before, but never intentionally! Right now, I hated him.

I wanted to kill Heero. Or at least maim him until he was unrecognizable, nevermind my own desires. I placed two hands on either end of the sink, bracing myself against the cold mirror, leaving the water running.

Usually, I didn't get so emotional over my hair. Normally I would have said "fuck it, it was hair." Normally, I didn't have the guy I was in love with try to destroy something dear to me! My hair and my gold cross are the only things I have to remember the Maxwell church by, physically. I sniffled a little, running the back of my hand across my nose. Sighing, I turned the water off.

Well, I wasn't going to get anywhere sitting the bathroom and moping around. I turned around and was reaching for the doorknob when there came a knock on the door. Just two, sharp raps. Heero.

"What?" I growled as harshly as I could. This bastard (once again, I use the term lightly) deserved it.

"Come out, Duo. I want to talk to you."

"Give me a god damn good reason why I should!" the nerve of him! The least he could do was say he was sorry.

"Because I need to talk to you, that's why." Tch. You'd have to do better than that, mister.

"Then get down on your knees and beg."

"Then open the door."

"Not until you're on your knees."

"How will you know unless you open the door?"

I glared at the wood, trying to burn a hole in it. Damn him and damn logic. Snarling, I yank open the door (nearly hitting my face in the process) and look out at where his head should have been. Key word: "should." Instead, I looked down, and I'll be damned if he was on his knees, looking up at me through his chocolate brown bangs.

"Whoa, you actually did it…" was the only thing I could think of to say. Only then did I realize where that placed him, and how close I actually was. Damn my hormones.

"You said you wouldn't open the door unless I got down on my knees and begged. I guess it's fortunate that you didn't make me beg." I could see the traces of a smirk beginning to grace his harsh features. This guy really was beautiful.

I crossed my arms and leaned against the side of the door. "Yeah, so? What did you wanna tell me?" Heero was starting to creep me out. His eyes hadn't left mine, and he was still on his knees. I seriously don't think he's blinked, either. "Er…you can…get up now…" thank god. He climbed off his knees and dusted them. He stood up to his full height. I wanted to chuckle. He was still shorter than me.

He stepped closer to me and my breath hitched a little. He was invading my personal bubble. I imagined hearing a little 'pop!' as it broke. Great, now I wanted some gum. Just to blow bubbles. Maybe throw it in someone's hair. Yeah, that'd be fun.

"I'm sorry, Duo. I overreacted." And suddenly, he was pressed against me, giving me a light hug. My body was on fire. I felt a little lightheaded at the simple contact. His head rest on my shoulder and I could feel short, little bursts of breath on my neck. I nearly shuddered. Nervously, I brought my arms around his slim waist. He scared me sometimes; he was really skinny.

"It's…it's alright Heero. N-no harm done…" man was I lying. I guess I just couldn't stand seeing the guy like this. So small, so venerable…kind of reminded me of me when I was a little boy. I could feel his fingers toying with the end of my braid.

"No…I hurt you. I'm sorry." He shook his head in the crook of my neck, making me ever more worried. Something was wrong with Heero.

Gently, I pried him away from me (which wasn't easy) and held him at arms length.

"What's wrong, Heero? You aren't normal," his Prussian blues looked at me bashfully, like he was hiding some big secret. My voice wasn't as stern as I wanted it to be.

He yanked himself out of my arms and threw himself at me again, lips pressed desperately against my own. It took me by surprise at first, but I found myself warming up to the ravenous way he clung to me and took advantage of my mouth. I brought him closer to me with a simple tug of my arms, our tongues dueling for dominance. My whole body tingled with delight. I shot a short breath of air out of my nose onto his cheek as we broke apart.

"Heero…" I whispered. He mumbled something into my neck. "What?"

"I said: 'I love you, Duo.'" I smiled broadly, feeling much better than I had five minutes ago. Suddenly, the fact that he burnt my hair on purpose melted away.

"I love you too, Heero," he kissed me again, though not as roughly as the first one had been. "Come on, let's go watch the movie with the rest of the guys." I turned away from the bathroom and started walking to the door to my bedroom, thinking Heero was behind me.

"Hey, Duo?" he asked. I turned around, surprised to see a smirk place broadly on his face. I raised an eyebrow.

"Nice ass."

Author's Notes: Well now that this is outta my system, I think I can get back to everything else. Hope you enjoyed this pointless 1x2. Have fun!


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